People that I know actually see the above post as being valid reasons to have an abortion. 😦
Where did feminism come from? I think feminism or woman’s liberation comes from alpha males and females. The men and women who are most desired by the opposite sex set the rules in a feminist society. They set the rules up to promote singlehood above relationships because that is what benefits them since they do not need relationships to ensure that their needs are met. They are desirable and so will always be able to secure sex and support from others.
Alpha males have an endless stream of choice with respect to women and so they do not have to fear not passing on their genes. Monogamy or faithfulness from their wives is less of a priority to them. They do not fear not passing on their genes so they have to use for monogamy. They are the ones who ultimately set the rules in a feminists society, while the beta/average males are the ones who set the rules in a traditional society.
The average female does what the females who are most attractive to alpha males do, and alpha males decided that feminists thinking women were more attractive than traditional thinking women so the average female decided to do that.
The problem with this is that it is minority rule over majority desire. The majority of men are not alpha males and would prefer traditional minded women. Women however are not looking out for this message from the majority of males and certainly would not get this message from them even if they were looking. The average woman just gets the message from other females that to be attractive to the most important set of males they should be feminists (wear less clothes, be independent, be equal, work, be open sexually, experiment sexually etc.).
Regular females need to stop listening to alpha males and alpha females. It is fine to be an alpha male or female but not everyone is that. If you are average start accepting and owning that. Most average people would be happier with security and knowing that they have someone to themselves. The average woman needs to start seeing the value in beta males. Beta males are the ideal mate for the average woman.
Beta males are much better than alpha males, they are more loyal, make better more reliable spouses and they are very good providers. Beta males benefit from traditionalism because traditionalism is a way of securing a relationship, a mate and therefore securing fatherhood. Beta/the average woman also benefits from this set up because traditionalism secures them a mate and support even when they cannot attract a male.
Stop letting the minority rule the majority. The majority needs to speak up, the average folk need to speak up, accept that things are better with relationships for them and leave feminism and singlehood for alpha folk.
This week marks a really important week for me in exploring feminism. I started seriously looking into feminism at the beginning of this year because a friend of mine (who was pregnant at the time) added me to the Caribbean Feminists Group on Facebook.
This week I left the group (or got kicked out, but it was my fault). This is in fact somehow a failure of mine, because I had given myself the mission to stay in the group and to challenge the things they said that I saw as wrong. A lot of emotions about feminism were felt this year as I explored the movement and I would like to give a summary of them now.
At first I just thought it was unnatural, that it contradicted “biology” in every way. This was the case since the things that they were saying DO in fact contradict my biological inclinations. But now I see that not everyone feels the same biological inclinations as me. After learning that these women actually do not want to submit to men and want to lead, and are therefore not the same as me on a biological level, I was more open-minded to the idea of feminism. I thought, okay maybe they have a point.
They do not want to be traditional women, I want to be a traditional woman… therefore what we need is a compromise. A world where women can do both, my feelings towards feminism then changed from confusion and complete rejection to fear. I feared that these women were just as close-minded as I had once been. I was afraid that they did not see that people like me exists and that in their quest to escape what they feel to be societal oppression (for all women) they were unable to see that it is not oppression to all women and that in fact it is a form of liberation to the women who prefer traditionalism.
I argued with them that real freedom for women was not only the sexual freedom to be sluts without shame but also the sexual freedom to be married, wives without shame. I argued that as much as they campaign for women to enter the science and politician roles they need to start campaigning for women to be stay at home wives and mothers. I argued that freedom does not come from being a wife, or from being the president but rather from having both options available. I tried to use myself as an example of a woman who wants to be in the home and who has no desire to work.
Their usual reply to this argument was “yes and that is what feminism is”. You can be a housewife right? Nothing is stopping you they would say. But it is really not that simple, I argued there are women who want to be housewives but cannot because those opportunities are decreasing because of the actions that feminists lobby for. They would then use words like equality and historical context or systematic privileges that wives and mothers have to fumble their way through an argument which ultimately was them saying we do not care about women who want to be housewives because we are not them!
This week I left the group because of an argument. The argument was over BDSM and plantation houses. That article was posted to the page and they all expressed disgust over how sick and brainwashed a black person would have to be not only to do something like that but even to practice BDSM with a white person as a submissive. As you know from my post before I like BDSM and submission. I was very much offended by what they were saying and argued the usual “this is not feminism!”. To shame me for my sexual desires is not something that feminism is supposed to be about.
I got insults from two people saying I was downright stupid and unintelligent. I was told that black people have been through too much to put themselves in that position. I was told that I need therapy. And being a black woman with a white husband who finds BDSM very arousing this all hurt a lot. I ended up being brought to tears over insults from people who had never even met me. They were also disturbed by the conversation as they blocked me from posting, and then I left the group, I failed and I left the group. It was just too much for me. It was just too much lol.
So that is the end of my membership to the Caribbean Feminist Group. I learnt two new things from being there and re-learnt one thing:
- WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME (not only via different experiences but also via inate different biological inclinations and desires)
- MY EXPERIENCES AND DESIRES ARE NOT REPRESENTATIVE OF ALL WOMEN
- FEMINISM AND FEMINISTS ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS AND MY ISSUES ARE MORE WITH FEMINISTS THAN WITH FEMINISM (though I still find the concept of male female equality unreasonable).
So yea that is what this year has taught me, it was not an easy journey and took a lot from me emotionally speaking.
I want to give my BDSM story in support of the idea that BDSM is not always something chosen, in support of the idea that BDSM is a sexual orientation that possibly has some genetic roots to many of the people who like/practice it.
I do not practice BDSM in the traditional sense with whips and chains etc. I would if I was with someone who wanted to do that, but my husband does not find that sort of thing sexually interesting. I can say though that power play sex is the only type of sex that I fantasize about and the type of pornography that is able to most easily arouse me and make me cum.
How our parents grew us up was somewhat conservatively. I did not actually know what sex was until I was 19 years old. I really just did not know. I started masturbating about around 14. I had no idea what I was doing, never even penetrated my vagina, but I did know that it felt good and was something that I should only do in private. Between 14 and 19 I masturbated a lot, without knowing what I was doing. I rubbed myself against a pillow sometimes but most times I just used my fingers on the mouth of my vagina.
It was fun, something I looked forward to at night. I did not have actual fantasies about men or sex during this time because I did not know what sex was, but I did have fantasies about domination and being dominated. I would masturbate about being pushed to the floor in a crowd, being not in control of my surrounding, being punished and as bad as this last one sounds coming from a black person.. I used to masturbate about the idea of being a slave on a plantation. It was not sexual fantasies but it certainly was power play fantasies.
The reason I am sure that BDSM is something innate and biological is that there were NO societal factors at play here. My parents simply never told us about sex, and I simply never knew about it. There is no other logical reason or experience that I had that I could point to or that would explain why I used slavery scenes or other images of me being dominated to masturbate. Later when I discovered real sex and porn, I found that I immediately gravitated towards BDSM. Someone can say that okay my mother was a housewife and maybe that indicated to me that submission is normal, but she is not a very submissive person, and none of my sisters feel the same about BDSM.
I just cannot find anything in my nurture that would have led me to BDSM so I am pretty sure that for me it must come from genetics.
I have said a lot of hateful things about feminism so now I want to talk a bit about the things that I support about feminism:
- The idea that we should have choice! Liberation, the freedom to choose your path in life, the freedom to be everything or nothing… it is something I support.
- The idea that being the majority does give you privileges that you may not be able to easily see.
- The idea that oppression should be addressed and corrected in some way.
- They stand up for gay rights (something I support), they speak out about inherited privileges (except when females benefit), they are against stereotyping, against racism and institutionalizes injustices.
- They have a good heart, want to help men and women and want to be free of societal boxes and roles that do not fit our current environmental reality.
All of the above is amazing and would make me a feminist if I was a member of one of the minority groups that they are currently fighting for social justice for. But I am not in one of those groups, I am often a part of the majority group and while I agree that the minorities need more attention than me I also see that feminists have a tendency to trample over the rights of the majority in their quest to help the minority. And that is what I want to fight against.
Is it fair for them to trample over the privileged majority considering that the majority has benefited so much more than they even realize? Maybe. But it does not feel right to me, it does not support my interest and it is also a call for me and others like me to fight back and say HEY WE EXIST AS WELL, not all women want to take on the roles men have had traditionally, not only gay people have issues being ridiculed for their sex life. People who are inclined to the social order known as the patriarchy also exist and by smashing the patriarchy you are hurting us. And there has to be a way to address the needs of both the under privileged and the privileged at the same time.
So yea, for the minorities and people who feel that patriarchal lifestyles do not fit their needs feminism is great. I support feminism for those people as much as I support and want a traditionalist movement for people like me. I am not a feminist, but had I been otherwise inclined, I could very well have been.