How many parents out there have to deal with fussy babies/toddlers at home and the moment you take them out into the world they are fine? I remember the first 3 week of my firstborn’s life as torture! She cried nonstop and on the third week there was a party that my husband and I had promised to attend. If we went it would be our babies first time in public! I really did not feel to go, I was sure that I was going to be completely embarrassed. I could just imagine everyone asking me why is she crying? Is she hungry? She must be tired? ,and me feeling to crawl into a hole.
But we promised everyone we would be there and people wanted to see the baby so we went. I fully intended to only stay a few minutes. I had my escape route and excuses preplanned, but as any parent would know they were not necessary. The baby slept the entire time. For three maybe four hours, she slept, it was like a miracle, it was the first time she ever slept so long, and there was so much noise at this party (a lot more than I expected).. How could any human sleep through so much noise? All of the parents were like, awwhh the newborn stage; they sleep through everything at that stage. I was like; what??? She never sleeps! Lol.
But they do sleep through everything, they sleep though noise and motion and everything that a babies instincts have conditioned them to expect. They sleep through a world that no longer exist; a world where people and life are usually nearby, a world where they are held and kept close to their mothers. From cosleeping to breastfeeding; the use of swaddle blankets to the use of pacifiers we see that children have instincts that were meant for a time where mothers stayed close to their young. Babies get stressed out when they are made to cry it out, they become unhappy, their stress level hormone raises and remains raised for days while learning to sleep, why? Because times have changed and our bodies have not.
Tantrums, colic, fussiness, do you really think that children throughout our evolutionary history behaved like this? I know society wants to pat all parents on their backs and say it is normal, all babies do it. Your baby is normal, just do what is best for YOU and forget everything else, ignore all the instincts that tell you not to abandon or leave your baby in a strangers care (a stranger who has to look after three or four other kids besides yours, a stranger who very often has never parented their own child, a stranger who is very, very likely to let your child cry it out several times a day while she is busy cleaning up after or changing other people’s kids), but society is lying.
Kids are behaving so badly, in part, because they long for individual attention of adults especially their mothers. Children have been designed in every way to expect this type of attention. You can see it from how they learn to walk to how they learn to talk. And from someone who once worked in a day care, your kids are left to cry in ways that would never happen if they got individual attention. When they do go into crying fits their stress level gets very high; so if you are wondering why your kids are so fussy most evenings that is part of the answer, whether you want to accept it or not.
Stay at home mothers do not have the perfect biologically natural environment that children were designed to expect and thrive in either; but they have it a little better than the day care option. When children start talking, they speak in their own language; they speak in a way that requires some individual attention to get. They say a lot of tantrums come down to communication problems, and in my opinion those communication problems stem from the fact that babies were designed to be so close to the adults around them that they would be understood by them before they could speak properly. The social aspect of day care is a good thing though and hopefully in the future society will find a way to merge the worlds of mothers, children and work that can be done part time.
So if you never heard it before I am telling you now babies and children are not fussy, whinny brats. The environment we put them in is just not matching their instincts. I have also spent time with my kids in more natural environments where a lot of adults are present and there is life on display around them and the difference in their behavior is amazing; it is night and day. There is nothing wrong with children today, but there is something wrong with the environment we throw them into. There is something wrong with depriving them of the type of care that evolution prepared them to expect and to thrive within. There is something wrong with depriving them of warm breast to suck and sleep on. There is something wrong with depriving them of their mothers and an environment where they can see adults and other children and general life on display. In essence there is something wrong with giving them an environment so very different than the one that evolution prepared them to thrive within.
These are links to support what I am trying to say:
This entire website is amazing: